Soumets toi à moi

Sunday, February 14, 2016

This and That

Still around, surprised I don't have enough time to write or do something interesting since I am not sleeping much lately. Last couple nights, three hours. Too many hours to fill and I wonder if this is why we do sleep. Otherwise, we think too much. Get stuck in our heads. Find out it is not a place that we want to be. Find that we are on the edge of a precipice and wondering if we should just fall. Give in and whatever is wrong in our lives will be gone.

Between work and my MBA, mostly spend free time reading. At times binge watch something that peaks my interest. Hope that maybe once, I can think of something that is intriguing to write. Other than a freakin' outline. Or finding things on my computer I do not even remember writing.

Mostly use lj for 'thoughtful' writing purposes, but whatever, will do it here for once. I write longer pm's than I do on actual fics. Would be nice for 'gift' to transfer over. Do something other than edit and tell myself that everything I have ever done freakin' sucks. May start sharing again, I had done a few things over on wattpad, but not keeping up on it. I do not write fics that are sweet, have happy endings. Instead they are filled with darkness. A way to express myself without hurting anything that truly exists. The boys (characters) are only in my mind. If I hurt them, how it goes. One fic I tried really hard to give one, just one character a happy ending. Nope. Tortured him instead.

I think that maybe that in certain areas of my life, I am not happy. Only three things truly made me happy. Other than a couple places I lived. If I don't know how to be happy, I am not certain how to convince characters they are supposed to be. Too much a part of me. The side that is hidden. Not exposing too much of oneself to anyone. They read something, that pain exists only in written form. Still, I tell myself that the future will be great. Find a job that I will love and feel like I am honestly making a difference somewhere.

The few things I look forward to in the spring, most likely will not happen. Not sure if I will go to Matsuri, the renaissance faire, convention that looks interesting.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Matsuri 2014

The town I live in has a Japanese Festival called Matsuri in February of each year. Get to soak in the culture, food, and ball jointed dolls!

This is one of my boys, Sulwyn Diarmad Forsàidh-Marwolaeth (5Star Bibi)

Hana Akai Williams (LeekeWorld Honey), Amaterasu Elsa Matthäus-Hatsuyume (Doll Zone Clare), Tatsu and Kira Hibari (LeekeWorld), Sulwyn Diarmad Forsàidh-Marwolaeth (5Star Bibi)

A friend of mine's doll Hrist (Dollfie Dream).

The light blue haired one is also mine, Alyce Merveilles (Dollfie Dream)

Other ball jointed dolls beginning to show up!

All I can remember is two of these are DoD (Doll of Dream) and another is Blue Fairy.

Hoping that I re-sized decently so that the photos are not too large and take forever to load. If I didn't please tell me.

Tatsu and Kira are twins, one is a shinigami/incubi mix and the other a vampire/incubi mix. Different fathers, the one they share in common is Hibari Kioshi, an okama and host.

Sulwyn's mam is a succubus/banshee and his father is unknown. Carys, his mam most likely knows but will not tell Sulwyn. He was born blind and deaf in one ear. His dream is to be involved in music and at the moment he loves opera and classical music. Two slightly different versions of the characters, 1 for the blog and another in the fic I have been writing. In the fic he was abandoned by Carys, the blog he still lives with her. The fic discusses things that I did not want to post on the blog.

Hana Akai is most likely human. Her tad is Welsh, her mam is Japanese. Though her mam's side of the family has a mix of demons and other creatures in the mix. Still working that out. Her brother Ianto is now a vampire.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Wrong Turn

*Wrong Turn*

An impasse is reached, the romance now dead
Neither a winner, sadness the prize belonging to each
A dark road to follow, the new search begins
Covered with thorns, which seek to tear at our souls
A quiet strength required to cover the distance
Eyes search the distance to see what might be contained
The path is uncertain, dangers arranged to complicate the way
Hidden in the shadows may be uncertain delights
Each heart seeking that which will bring it peace
But a wrong turn and only sorrow to follow.

FLAMES

*FLAMES*

Entranced ... lost in the motion
The flames leaping ... dancing ... oh so bright
The danger so beautiful ... tempting me
A touch burns my soul ... searing ... oh so deep
The pain ... the ecstasy ... flowing through me
Succumbing ... floating ... oh so free

INTENSITY

*INTENSITY*

My soul cries out

For pain ... so sweet

Seeking another ... bonded to slavery

The want ... the need

Like a dagger thrusting deep

Give me what I seek!

Pain ... intense ... the sensation filling me!

Women

Women

Objects to me

A warm body to fuck

Get a clue BOYS

There is more to us

We have ideas to share

Objections to raise

Our lives to control

Young minds we shape

We keep everything alive

We contribute our time and our faith

We work hard

And for what?

We get treated like trash

Males still believe they own us

Think before you speak

Perhaps we do not appreciate your thoughts

Or careless cocks

Sadique

Sadique

Lashing ... beating ...pain engulfing me

Curled ... withdrawn ... floating on a tide of agony

Shivering ... torn ... no longer whole

I lay tied ... bruised ... as he loses himself in ecstasy